Because the tumescent mind disconnected from the interior world of Eros is so uncomfortable, it seeks only to “get through this.” Pleasurable acts are reduced to dutiful acts, as the aspect of mind that could enjoy them is being suppressed. We treat our pleasures as though they endanger the more important and compelling notions of survival. The tumescent mind must remain vigilant to any threats that would seek to penetrate through consciousness itself. It spends all resources of attention on maintaining that vigilance.
Allowing ourselves to let go into the flow of experience is seen as an expense we cannot afford, as there is no time. With tumescence, there is the invariable suggestion that “I can allow myself enjoyment when I finish this task.” The option of enjoying this task or this moment looks too expensive in the face of the perception of the threat of material survival.
Enjoyment looks frivolous. This is the trick of the tumescent mind, because enjoyment is anything but frivolous—it is, in fact, the guarantor of excellence and sustainability. Reward, meaning, and enjoyment are then sucked from all experience or are, in the best-case scenarios, fleeting. They carry with them the burden of obligation to do the next thing.
Procrastination then, as a product of the tumescent mind, is the result of feeling the world as an unceasing wheel of obligations, drawing out the known obligation to keep the unknown next obligation at bay. Because the tumescent mind deals in scarcity, you cannot afford to spend time or energy enjoying the process as the resources of time and energy are seen as being in short supply.
What tumescence does not tell you is that it is passively spending your time and energy on anxiety and vigilance. This expenditure is what reduces your consciousness to the scarcity of survival mind. Perception of experience, its narrowness or expansiveness, is a result of how full your attentional coffers are.
What tumescence won’t tell you is an expenditure that feels indulgent is precisely the investment needed to establish a new plane of consciousness away from the tumescent mind and toward the Erotic body.