The first thing to do after a hit is to take it in and then connect. Everything will tell us to curl in on ourselves. While we still have the presence of mind to do so, reach out. If we are traveling the Erotic path, we will have at least one Erotic friend with whom we can connect in that moment. This is vital because we will probably be like a live wire that is jumping all over the place and will need to plug into a trusted source immediately to stabilize. Hard blows tend to rupture a connection with life. Being open-loop systems, it is vital we reconnect immediately so we are not thrashed about by the dragon’s tail.
The truth of an Erotic friend is that so long as there is a steady connection, there is fundamental stability in the system that decreases the potential for reactivity in high-intensity times. It is often not the circumstances, but a chain reaction of fear-based responses, that give us the feeling we are being chased down by our lives. It is the hit, then the protection, then the resentment, then the choices made from resentment that exacerbate the situation.
At the time of a hit, instead of turning toward an uncertain world, spinning out, or clamping down in self-protection, if we plug into an Erotic friend, we may be able to catch a circumstance and approach it with a stable, clear mind. Then it may not need to progress, but instead, can easily be turned around. Sometimes the way circumstances come to us is beyond our ability to turn them around, but we can, at a minimum, face them grounded in connection and with a sense of perfection that allows a resourceful perspective.
The reactive mind will always resort to familiar and destructive survival habits. There will be a lot of emergent information about who we are in this moment that in spite of the challenge, is gold for the Erotic practitioner. We can see the truth of our practice in a way that cannot be denied.
If we allow control to continue to operate in the background, we will see one of two extreme forces arise. The control mind is deeply insulted when life does not operate according to its orchestrations. This mind so refuses to lose jurisdiction and gets so riddled with resentment so quickly that it says something on the order of, “I will not allow you to destroy my life, and anytime life does not operate in accord with my preferences and I can see it as a personal attack, I will.” The first thing it will do is cut connection with what sustained it and make it the enemy.
It may be practices, relationships, or ways we tend to the body. Then, fueled by resentment, the control mind begins to create a new life on top of the old one. Of course, this life will fall apart as it will be built on landfill, and this will come as another shocking blow. This will bring us to another choice point. We can admit we made a mistake, open, and get humble. Or we can continue to live on top of this righteousness, further feeding the control mechanism.
The other control-based response is to come out with guns blazing while we are still being flung about like a live wire. Neither of these are an Erotic response of play. If we choose to turn toward Erotic friendship, we will discover the place inside us that does not go on the ride. The steadiness of connection is such that entire worlds may rise or fall around it, but what we see—no matter what—is love. This is also a place where hopefully, we have been immersed in Erotic community. The more systems we can plug into, the more this can be distributed.
At the foundation, all blows are just raw energy. It will either freeze if it is in isolation, or it will move if it is connected as power. When we have the practices set in place so that in these moments we can rapidly plug into that which sustains us—our Erotic friends and community, our practices, our faith—what we discover is it may still be scary or upsetting or painful, but it is all of that inside a deeper experience of love and care. This gives us the foundation of safety and security to open and allow even this to be an opportunity to realize our deepest Erotic nature. Even this to be an adventure, albeit uninvited.
Everything we feel will be radically heightened. The voltage will be turned up inside unless we take the control path where the live wire thrashed until all power was lost. Then we will just be getting further entrenched in our survival patterns. What power we have will literally be feeding who we do not want to be. Pain makes us into wounded narcissists; every thought turns to survival. And because we have cut ourselves off from our resources, we go on presettings of conservation.
The same way a brain in starvation begins to relinquish its value system progressively until it is willing to consider things it never before would have, the control mind starts to relinquish luxury behaviors. It can no longer afford generosity and connection. It can no longer afford to show up for others. It dons a persona of care and then goes inside and focuses all its attention on how it will get its needs met.
If, however, we plug in at the moment of the blow, we discover everything inside of us, everything we kept tamped down, is now coursing through our veins in a way that we cannot control. All the energy ever blocked, rises. It is made dynamic. It feels terrible, and at the same time, in a strange, almost indescribable way, it feels like it is bringing us to life. Our once-locked-down power is now beginning to flow.