Have you ever wondered if there's more to sex than what we've been taught? If you're reading this, something inside you likely senses that sexuality holds deeper dimensions waiting to be explored. Sacred sexuality offers a pathway to experience the profound power that lies at the core of our intimate connections—a power that, when understood and embraced, can transform not just our sexual experiences but our entire approach to life and love.
Embrace innocence in sexuality
Connect power with love
Liberate sex from conditions
Choose authenticity over performance
Master the art of release
Sacred sexuality recognizes that sex is perhaps the most powerful drive in the human system. At its core, it's ultimately a drive to connect—an impulse placed inside us to draw us outside ourselves and break through the membrane of separation between ourselves and the world. Far from being simply physical pleasure or reproduction, sacred sexuality is about harnessing the force of self-assertion and developing our capacity to truly give in relationships.
I've spent years exploring this territory, both personally and through studying various traditions, and I've found that sacred sex begins with a radical premise: that innocence, not danger, lies at the root of our sexuality. This innocence is so pure that it becomes amenable to whatever we make of it—which is precisely why we've been conditioned to believe it's dangerous.
When we talk about sacred sexuality, we're discussing a path that sets before us not just a world but the world—the only thing that will truly gratify us. It places before us our conditions and their promised results, and lets us decide: Do we want our conditions or do we want freedom?
The first step on this journey is recognizing how our relationship with sex mirrors our relationship with power. Are we going to hope for power and yearn for it? Judge it and then feel cheated because we lack it? Withdraw from it and rationalize that choice? Or are we going to honor it and commit to discovering its virtuous expression?
When I first began exploring sacred sexuality practices, I was struck by how many conditions we place on our sexual experiences. These conditions don't protect us—they prevent us from developing and harnessing our sexual energy. To practice sacred sex means to liberate our sexual impulse from specific conditioning.
One essential practice involves separating love from sex. We've been taught that sex without love is profane, yet we don't apply the same standard to love without sex. We pump up feelings of romance and attachment as a means of avoiding the raw power of sex. There's a pure and true intimacy in human-to-human contact rooted in non-attached connection, one that doesn't rely on cultural addiction to attachment or possession.
Another vital practice is moving beyond shame. The beauty of sacred sexuality is that it heats up and activates the sediment that lies within us. Rather than allowing that sediment to settle—as many spiritual approaches suggest—sacred sex stirs it up in order to get it out. If shame arises during your sacred sexuality practice, remember this isn't because sex is inherently shameful but because we use shame to cover our sexual impulse. By feeling all of this shame fully, we can liberate sex from it, continuing to feel until it resolves into clear, tender vulnerability.
Have you noticed how sexual exchanges often turn into commerce? In sacred sexuality, we recognize how pure exchange gets distorted into tit-for-tat relationships with implied credits and debits. This happens partly because we've kept sexuality scarce, making people feel they must get theirs while they can. A daily sacred sex practice helps open this gripping hand, allowing for true exchange rather than transaction.
What about those darker desires we often judge or suppress? In sacred sexuality, we honor rather than punish the transgressive tendency that exists within each of us. It's counterintuitive, but the skillful response is to open further to these tendencies, giving them a wide and approving consciousness to move inside of. With agreement from our partner, these impulses can be absorbed into our consciousness, becoming healthy assertion rather than harmful aggression.
In my journey with sacred sexuality, I've discovered that authenticity is perhaps the most challenging and rewarding aspect to cultivate. When we lack self-possession, we put performance in its place. This manifests as over- or under-expression of movement, sound, or facial expression. We see ourselves through our partner's eyes or focus on their appearance, performing to get a result.
True sacred connection doesn't try to turn yourself or your partner on. That effort is extra baggage on top of the process of giving over to the flow of arousal. The flow cannot happen when we're controlling the experience. We cannot be genuinely turned on and performing at the same time, even if what we're performing is "abandon" or "submission." True sacred arousal isn't necessarily pretty—it's spontaneous, raw, and authentic.
Expectations are the great thief of experience in sacred sexuality. They put a vice grip around sensation. When we think we know how an experience should or will go, we need to notice what that might be covering up. Are we able to allow our partner to direct? Do we fear they don't know what they're doing? What would this moment be like if it were liberated from our expectations?
The pinnacle of sacred sex practices comes when we experience true connection—a felt sense of moving as one with our partner with no distinction between self and other. We need nothing extra; no special movements or techniques. Our interior self connects to their interior self, and we are being moved rather than moving. Notice what thoughts arise that prevent this from occurring. Do you fear what they might see? What you might see? Can you feel how to meet them in various rhythms and flows?
The sacred sexuality approach to orgasm is centered around the art of letting go. The practice becomes enjoyable to the extent that we let go and difficult to the extent that we don't. This letting go requires profound trust in ourselves, our partner, and our own resilience.
There exists a power we can connect to that confers a sense of knowing and safety, allowing us to let go completely. From this place of surrender, a whole experience wants to unfold naturally. We can feel our relationship to that power, where we might want to put it outside ourselves, and where we have intimacy and trust with it.
When we touch this power, we often feel we are in love. It reveals itself to be the source of many feelings we associate with being in love—awe, abandon, and ecstasy. The key insight of sacred sexuality is that we usually allow that feeling to attach to someone rather than keeping our attention at its source, developing a relationship and trust with it directly.
The sacred approach to orgasm involves letting go of every thought, feeling, experience, and tension in order to stay connected with this flow of power. Not stopping when something feels good or bad but letting it continue to flow through, with our focus remaining present. Our primary relationship becomes with this force, and making love becomes our vehicle for coming into contact with it.
The afterglow of sacred orgasm extends beyond the moment of climax. When we've experienced this deep letting go, we begin to embody a different quality—to be a channel for power and love. It feels like something is coming through us, beyond what we could have manufactured. We are no longer in relation to power but become a transmitter of it. Power moves through us so completely that seeking disappears. There is the realization of a channel where we give power rather than seek it, give love rather than seek it.
My deepest realization about sacred sexuality is that it serves as a profound practice of love. True love is the force that pierces through the bubbles of separation we often live within, untouched by each other and the world. It takes a sharp and skillful sword to cut through the fog and liberate us to make actual contact.
To harness the sexual drive is to have vision, intuition, and the power to carry through on your deepest values. It transforms ideals into action. This power carries with it resilience, unarmored organic self-protection, and self-possession—all required for genuine exchange with the world and with others.
When we own our sexuality fully, we have the power to love genuinely. Without this power, what we call love is merely companionship, reliance, people-pleasing, or the fulfillment of conditioned patterns. True love requires the full development of self and the ability to offer that self with courage, ferocity, and determination.
Sacred sexuality honors various channels of expression that each draw out a different essence. Some common channels include:
Restorative sex feels like a massage-type experience where bodies move in synchrony, with a physicality that ends in an energetic quality. The feeling is one of movement, close to a paired dance.
Darkness sex pulls from pools of shame and uses that as material for connection. Both partners reveal what they conceal in everyday life and use it in complementary ways. Various identities related to power, submission, and dominance may arise.
Making love sex feels drenched in sweet connective emotion. It draws forth the heart and creates a sense of being perfectly met by your partner.
Play sex has an explorative quality, testing what happens when you stay connected as channels switch.
By finding your partner's natural channel, sacred sexuality opens options beyond the false choice between acquiescing to something unpleasurable or telling your partner what to do. It allows for a creativity and artistry in connection that transcends conventional approaches.
Have you noticed how spirituality and sexuality are often positioned as adversaries? At some point, spirituality became an escape from all things human, and nothing threatens to "attach" us to the world more than sexuality. Sexuality thus became the prime adversary of spirituality, precisely because of its unassailable power.
Yet sacred sexuality suggests a different approach. Rather than spiritualizing the erotic, what if we eroticized spirituality? What if spirituality needs the material, the sexual, the human—and sex makes spirituality what it is?
Sacred sexuality takes a salt-of-the-earth approach. Whatever your beliefs or spiritual orientation, sacred sex doesn't want to take you away from that. Instead, it wants you to deepen and eroticize your relationship to it, to open the erotic dimension of intimacy and felt experience.
Unlike many spiritual paths, sacred sexuality doesn't promise to save you from anything. It allows you to have your consequences. What it offers instead is the capacity to eroticize any experience—to open the erotic dimension and find intimacy, beauty, and richness inside any situation.
This path requires humility and willingness to go wherever the erotic would have you go, knowing that inside every seemingly inescapable condition is a gem. We learn without a net, which means we may fall. When that happens, we can choose to suffer, or we can get humble and ask not to change our circumstances (we need those to learn from), but to open the erotic door and find a depth beyond comprehension.
The spiritual promise of sacred sexuality is this: we make the choice, we do the heavy lifting, we take the risk—but the reward is life itself. We may not become conventionally "good" people, but we become the people we truly are—with a deeper, more sustainable felt-sense reality where moral principles arise not from compliance but from desire.
Sacred sexuality offers us an opportunity to relate differently not just to our partners but to the entire spectrum of life. Through this practice, we learn that how we relate to sex is how we relate to power—and by extension, how we relate to every aspect of our lives.
When we liberate our sexuality from the conditions that bind it, we discover that the conditions we believed were keeping us safe, happy, or loved were precisely what prevented us from feeling these things. No matter how strictly we managed these conditions, they failed to produce the results they promised.
The journey of sacred sexuality is one of shedding layers—of shame, expectation, performance, control—to reveal the pure innocence at the heart of our sexual nature. As we progress, we move from begrudgingly offering our conditions to scouring for what else we can offer up.
What would your intimate life look like if you approached it as sacred? How might your relationships change if you viewed sexuality as a path to power and authentic connection rather than a source of shame or a commodity to be traded?
Sacred sexuality invites us to step into a more authentic expression of our erotic nature—one that honors both the lightness and darkness within us, that sees sexuality not as something to be controlled or feared but as our birthright of power and connection. By reclaiming this birthright, we open ourselves to experiencing the divine through our bodies, our relationships, and every facet of our lives.
In the end, the highest achievement in sacred sexuality isn't some transcendent orgasmic state—it's simply bringing out the truest version of ourselves we possibly can, and helping our partners do the same. Through this mutual unveiling, we discover what love and connection can truly be when freed from our conditioned expectations.