Because the ego-self is at the center of the tumescent mind, self-sufficiency, self-possession, and self-reliance are of the utmost importance. They are the signifiers that we have maintained the moat of this self intact, despite the interdependent process-like nature of reality. To be able to “hold” against the storm of reality, we retreat up into the “lookout” of the intellect. Here, we are able to maintain a linear, data-based, rational sense that may hold up in the world of appearances but very rarely reflects the deeper truth of the body.
Ideas float above the gravity of truth, which is why the tumescent mind thinks it can simply make any assertions about itself that it wishes. It assumes it is capable of driving the deeper, unmovable truths of motivation and desire, and that these assertions, plus the employment of intellect-based self-will, are enough to maintain the separate self. Unfortunately, for periods of time, this is so.
As long as we entertain— or worse, support—its pronouncements about what kind of person we are, what we would or would not do, what our true intentions are, the tumescent mind will carry on. The issue is that this employment of presentation, backed by control, must progressively increase as the pressure of the denied truth builds up.
The other issue is that despite the peek-a-boo nature of hiding one’s true intentions and motivations—even from oneself—all of us always know. We may or may not choose to register what we know about ourselves and others, or we may bow to authority and roles, denying what we know. But no matter how we cover up our nature with ideas, there is a place in us where we have X-ray vision. We can see ourselves and others entirely naked, whether we like what we see or not.
To the extent that we are still in the exhausting process of managing appearances (including collusion with others to maintain theirs), we will feel a perpetual threat of being exposed. We will need to increase our denial and performance; Eros will neither be able to access the nourishment it needs nor release excess energy with the environment. Coping increases as wisdom decreases.
We become numb to the emotions and sensations that supply vital information. A buildup occurs because of this striving that takes place, instead of an effortless exchange with the environment; the buildup is identified with the ego-self.
Striving then becomes a goal to make it to the “top,” which is the climactic aim of the tumescent mind. The lure of the tumescent mind is that we will someday or in some lifetime, finally make it to the top, and then we will no longer be beholden to engagement with the everyday world.