There's a moment in every OM I have where everything softens. The light shifts, the internal chatter goes quiet, and what remains is that exact place where fingertip meets clitoris. It's small, but it holds such subtle nuance of feeling it is as big as the entire world. This practice has taught me how to feel. And once I could feel, really feel, I learned how to speak about it. I learned how to say what I wanted. And for me, that changed everything.
At this point, after many years, I get a lot of feedback from people noticing that I make clear requests and give very good adjustments. That I'm specific and easily understood. I've gotten very good at that. But I didn't start that way. It's a skill I've built over time. Stroke by stroke. Moment by moment. OM by OM.
When I first started, lying in the nest felt like being dropped into foreign territory. Often I wasn't completely sure what I was feeling. The majority of women don't show up to the practice with subtle awareness of their genitals. And that's not a personal flaw. That's years of conditioning, shame, silence. I started by gradually increasing my ability to notice sensation. That was the first step. For me, variation in speed was the easiest thing to feel. I could tell if the stroke felt too fast or too slow. That gave me something solid to go on. And then my awareness became more nuanced. I could tell when it felt too light or too heavy. I could feel if his finger drifted to the left or the right. I could feel the scratch of a fingernail. I could tell if the pressure was rubbing sensation out instead of building it up.
And then came the next part: opening my mouth and saying, "Could you move a little to the right?" Or "Could you slow down just a touch?" Saying it without apology. Without a loaded tone. Just saying it. That's the muscle I've built. Not just knowing what I want, but actually communicating it in a way that helps my partner succeed.
And let me say this: In my experience, most men want to get it right. They're hungry for it. But I think back and I used to think—he should just know. Like it wasn't my responsibility to say anything. But the truth is, no one gave him the map. He's never been taught how to touch me. So when I speak with clarity, with kindness, with approval, it shifts the entire experience. It creates connection. It creates turn-on. And it creates the strokes that actually land.
This morning, I had an OM with my regular partner. I gave three adjustments. Each one small, but specific. One of them was: "The amount of contact is great, would you lighten the pressure just a hair." And that changed everything. He adjusted, and I said, "Yes, that's it." His body softened. Mine did too. The sensation on my clit opened, became brighter and more vibrant. The heat moving between us swelled. That's the power of clean communication. No charge. No subtle punishment. No silent frustration. Just the truth.
I know how hard that can be. I've been that woman. I've heard from so many others too. It's hard to speak up. We don't want to hurt their feelings. We've been trained to endure. Or to only speak when it's praise. But OM gave me something different. A new way. A way to tune in to my body and speak from there. Not to be demanding. Just precise. Clear. Which allows me to get stroked in the way that's actually right for my body.
And that voice, it doesn't stay only in the nest. I bring it into my life. Being able to say what I want, even when I'm feeling something emotional, and still keep my voice open and clear. That's a superpower. I can feel irritation and still say, "Could you move a little right?" I don't have to transmit the irritation. Just making the request, cleanly, actually dissolves some of the charge. That's how powerful it is. When I drop any charge, I become more effective. When I speak with precision, my partner's skill increases instantly. When I take responsibility for my experience, I stand in my personal sovereignty and we both win.
If you're just getting started in OM, or working on finding your voice, here's what I suggest: start with sensation. Ask yourself what you feel, even if it's vague or fuzzy at first. Then build language. Keep it simple—slower, softer, more to the left. Let your voice be neutral. No need to add anything extra. It's also a good practice to name what's working before you make a request. "That location is great, would you lighten the pressure." And when your stroker gets right on the spot, name it. "That's it, thank you." That moment matters. Your voice is a gift to him. It's not too much. It's not a burden. Build that bridge between your voice and your body. Your body will thank you. Speaking what you want deeply in a clear way will give you greater access to you. In OM, and in the entirety of your life.
