I have a high-powered career in tech, but since I was a kid, I’ve always been a rule breaker. I had two alcoholic parents and didn’t get much attention. I got attention by being bad, so I became very good at breaking glass. I also carried a lot of anger with me.
My father was in the military for a dozen years and was a very tough guy. He had me believing that by the time I was 13, I was supposed to have sex with as many women as possible. When I reached age 13 and still hadn’t even kissed a girl, I was devastated. I felt that I needed approval from women to feel like a man. So, I spent a lot of my early life objectifying women. That was how I thought I could be a good man.
I found out about Orgasmic Meditation (OM) through friends, but I initially ignored them because I thought they were a little extreme. Then someone asked, Do you understand how to speak with women? Do you want to understand what women are saying to you? And I realized that I had no idea what women were saying to me most of the time. I came to OM hoping to understand women better—but also to understand something deeper inside myself.
My first time OMing, I was scared witless. I thought I was doing it wrong, and I was sweating so much that my glasses fell off my face. I thought, Oh no, I've ruined everything. But afterwards, my OM partner said, “That was the most amazing experience I've ever had.” That was the first step in helping me realize that what my brain says and what is happening on a feeling level can be completely different.
Before Orgasmic Meditation, I had also lost my meditation practice—I wasn't progressing. OM became a vehicle for me to meditate in a way I’ve never found anywhere else. It quiets my mind and quiets the vibrations that make me seem very intense to other people. I feel calm and focused afterwards.
Starting out, I realized I had no idea what I desired at a deep level. I had been pursuing a path that I knew society said I should pursue, though I didn't feel a desire for that path. The message from OM was that we can get more in touch with our desires. We can learn to hear the very quiet whisper that's telling us at every moment what the right thing to do is, how to respond, and how to be.
At first, I had no idea what that whisper, the voice of my intuition, was telling me. And I couldn't hear women telling me what they needed to say via subtle messages because I wasn't listening. I was only concerned with what I believed was true and how things needed to be. I was very one-focused, linear, and attached to things in a particular way. And this helped me realize, oh my god, there's another way to live.
As I progressed in the practice, the idea of “safe porting” before an OM resonated with me. It’s about making someone feel safe by saying what I will do and my intentions. Many women have a high vigilance center around men they don't know. Men can be scary out there. I found that safe-porting people (not just women, but all people) creates a level of safety that I don't think people had with me before.
Orgasmic Meditation (OM) teaches me about feeling joy, playing, and interacting in ways that I truly enjoy. With women, I’m having fun and feeling connected in ways that I don't think I’ve had in the past. Goallessness allows me to play and just be. It doesn't matter what the outcome is.
I can listen in a way I've never listened to before, and I learned that through stroking. I can see what’s there in a way that I've never been able to see before. I can feel what's inside me, what's inside the stroke, and what’s inside the woman I’m stroking. There's an expansion that happens in me.
As a result of Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I’m feeling my way through life more—coming from my desire and experience. This helps me be more authentic, and people relate to me better. That authenticity, and coming from that place of truth and feeling, allows people to know who I am and have deeper, more vulnerable interactions. But what’s been most healing about OM is that something finally shifted in me: I realized that I’m a good, loving, and beautiful man. I feel a settledness and truth, allowing me to come from that place.
OMing has helped me feel that. Every time I OM, I feel subtleness and centeredness. I'm able to give in a way that I never did before. I love that I can connect with women without getting anything from them or trying to prove my worthiness. I don't have to be with a million women to feel satisfied.
I no longer hold the anger that separates me from other people. When I feel anger, I can address it and get it out. It doesn't stay in me and become resentment. By OMing, I get in touch with myself and my experience. I talk about my feelings and experiences now. I can move through whatever's there and get to the other side to feel fully present with people.
We recently had a very difficult conversation with the woman I'm seeing, and I felt very distant from her at the beginning. But we stayed present and in dialogue. She got angry, but I helped her and myself through that feeling. In the end, we felt so deeply intimate, so connected. We felt such deep, profound love. That results from Orgasmic Meditation (OM)—feeling what I feel, holding the emotion, and not having to throw it back at other people like I used to.
I want—I deeply crave—connection. A physical manifestation of that connection will happen, or it won't happen. It doesn't matter. What matters is the connection and joy I feel from that connection. It feels like a true spiritual connection I get with people through this path in a way I've never experienced before.
