Growing up in a Catholic family, I was raised to believe that the goal of dating was to just find someone to marry. Sex wasn’t discussed, other than to say that I couldn’t have any of it until marriage.
Up until my mid-20s, dating and sex evaded me. I focused on other things, like school, sports, and church, and any attempt to create an intimate connection fell flat on its face. On the rare occasions when I’d tell a girl I liked her, she’d only want to be friends. After enough rejections, I figured, “What’s the point in trying?” I came to believe that if I expressed my feelings, the other person wouldn’t be able to handle them, and we would both end up hurt. As a business owner, people would tell me how inspiring they found my work. But I felt unfulfilled inside. “What’s the point of working so hard every day if I feel lonely?" I’d think. “It’s not worth it anymore.”
I learned about Orgasmic Meditation from a talk by the founder, Nicole Daedone. I wasn’t ready to try it then, but it planted a seed in my mind. I’d been doing a lot of work around spiritual development, but my one weakness was forming romantic relationships and connections. I didn’t want to live with those feelings of depression and loneliness anymore. OM—Orgasmic Meditation seemed like a good way to work on that, so I attended an OM event and took the intro course.
During my first OM, I couldn’t shake the feeling that my actions were wrong, shameful, or sinful. Because of how I was raised, the act of stroking a woman’s clitoris produced lots of internal conflict. Yet I knew I’d found something that was going to be significant in my life.
I began using Orgasmic Meditation to work through my guilt and view intimacy in a new way. OM challenged the religious ideas I’d grown up with and gave me a sense of reverence and respect for other people and their bodies. Every time I stepped into the nest, I could feel I was in a vulnerable space. Over time, I also learned how to support people in vulnerable situations outside of the nest.
The noticing step of the OM, where you describe your partner’s genitals without any value judgments, helped me express things in an emotionally neutral way and appreciate what’s present in front of me. I stopped living inside my head all the time. Asking for OMs had me question the assumption that nobody wanted to be with me. If I was so undesirable, why did women keep wanting to OM with me? I even came to value the honesty of a “No.”
I’ve applied the concept of safe porting — telling your OM—Orgasmic Meditation partner what you will do before you do it — to my work. I’m better at training my employees now because I can prepare them for what they’re about to hear. I also love that you wear gloves during OMs. It’s shown me the value of setting clear boundaries for my interactions inside and outside the nest.
I don’t worry about whether I’m doing it right when I OM anymore. My mind quiets, and I get immersed in the experience, like playing an instrument. On several occasions, I would stroke so lightly that I’d hardly even make physical contact with the other person, but it would be the most sensational stroke at the moment. That showed me there’s much more to human interaction than the words you say or the things you do. It’s about the energy behind your actions. I can communicate with people on this energetic level in every area of my life.
I now have deeply intimate relationships with women. I can be honest and vulnerable enough to share my heart with them. I don’t strategize to get someone to sleep with me; I just tell the truth and see what feels right. I’m enjoying the stability and connection that I’d been craving, and I no longer feel the need to look for artificial forms of connection on social media or in porn. It’s much easier to love other people once you’re connected to yourself, and that’s what Orgasmic Meditation did for me.
